What is radical acceptance and how to practice it

Radical acceptance is a concept that emphasizes the importance of accepting life as it is. It allows you to focus on things that are within your control and let go of those that aren’t. This practice can lead to greater emotional freedom, enabling you to approach challenges head-on with confidence and resilience.

While radical acceptance is generally considered a good thing, there are situations where it shouldn’t be used as a coping strategy. Understanding what radical acceptance is, its benefits and drawbacks, and how to practice it can help you find peace within yourself and the world around you.

What is radical acceptance?

Radical acceptance is your ability to accept situations as they are, even when they’re uncomfortable or painful. It means recognizing reality and embracing circumstances that aren’t within your control. This can help you keep pain from turning into suffering by accepting it as a regular part of life.

The concept of radical acceptance originated from Buddhist traditions but was formally coined by psychologist Marsha Linehan. She developed a type of therapy called dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which teaches people how to regulate intense emotions. The term was then popularized by psychologist and mindfulness meditation teacher Tara Brach, who released a book on the topic to help people find radical self-acceptance.

The purpose of radical acceptance is to address your emotions following a negative experience without letting them take over. It can help you avoid being consumed by frustration or hopelessness. Although it’s commonly seen as a positive thing, radical acceptance may not be helpful in certain situations, such as when you’re in danger.

Common myths about radical acceptance

Many people mistakenly equate radical acceptance with giving up because it doesn’t involve trying to change your circumstances. In actuality, radical acceptance can be used as an active technique to reduce emotional distress and improve your quality of life. Accepting a situation for what it is requires an intentional choice to not let it bring you down more than necessary.

Accepting negative circumstances doesn’t necessarily equal complacency, either. Just because you choose to accept the situation doesn’t mean you have to agree with it. It’s perfectly normal to feel as if some of the challenges you’ve been dealt are unfair and to wonder, “Why me?” It’s also normal to feel emotions like frustration and disappointment.

These unpleasant feelings shouldn’t be ignored. However, you can cope with them in more productive ways than allowing yourself to suffer. Radical acceptance aids you in having a healthy response to the cards life deals you. It can also help you take action with a clearer mind, which can promote resilience and help you find inner peace.

Benefits of radical acceptance 

Practicing radical acceptance can lead to many benefits for both your mental and physical well-being. Research has shown that radical acceptance can help reduce trauma-related feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety. It can also help relieve stress, which can impact your heart health, sleep hygiene, digestive system, and more when not properly addressed.

A few other benefits of radical acceptance include the following:

• Increased mental well-being: Accepting life’s challenges can help you build mental strength through the reframing of negative thoughts.
• Improved relationships: Radical acceptance promotes self-compassion, which can help you gain a more compassionate understanding of others’ emotions without judgment. This can improve interpersonal relationships.
• Better decision-making: Because radical acceptance involves seeing situations as they are, it can help you make better decisions that are more sound and informed and less emotionally charged.
• Increased resilience: Radical acceptance can help you fight back against negative feelings in healthy ways, leading to greater resiliency.
• Reduced perfectionism: When you accept situations as they are, you relinquish your urge to make things perfect.

When is radical acceptance helpful?

Radical acceptance can make it easier to manage unexpected adversities by responding in a healthy manner. A few examples of situations where radical acceptance can be helpful include the following:

• After a breakup or divorce: Radical acceptance can help you deal with rejection and disappointment by encouraging you to see the bigger picture. For example, instead of having thoughts like, “I don’t see how I’ll ever move forward,” it can help you cultivate thoughts like, “This relationship wasn’t meant to be, so I’ll look for the one that is.” It can help you stay positive and remain optimistic. 
• During unexpected changes: Radical acceptance increases your resiliency and ability to deal with stress. It can help you feel better prepared for unforeseen challenges that come your way, such as being laid off from work.
• When coping with loss: Radical acceptance can help you find a sense of inner peace when you lose a loved one by recognizing and accepting any “what ifs” that might surface when processing grief.
• When overcoming trauma: When used as part of dialectical behavior therapy, radical acceptance can initiate healing from past trauma by helping you process painful emotions in the present moment.
• When improving self-worth: While radical acceptance is typically thought of as a way to cope with external problems, it can also help heal internal conflict by promoting self-acceptance. This can lead to greater feelings of self-love, self-worth, and self-esteem. 

When is radical acceptance unhelpful?

Although radical acceptance is generally seen as beneficial, there are circumstances where it can do more harm than good. A few examples of situations where radical acceptance may not be helpful include the following:

• When you’re in danger: Radical acceptance can be harmful when your physical, emotional, or mental health is at stake. For example, if you’re in a mentally abusive relationship, accepting it as it is can be psychologically damaging.
• When you’re using it to avoid a situation: If you encounter a situation you have the power to influence but don’t want to be involved in, radical acceptance shouldn’t be used as an excuse to avoid it.
• When a change is necessary: Radical acceptance is healthiest when it’s used to deal with events beyond your control. When you do have a say in the matter, such as quitting a job you just started because it has a toxic work environment, embracing change is a better choice.

How to practice radical acceptance

Because it’s not a natural response to pain, radical acceptance takes practice and being intentional. According to DBT’s founder Marsha Linehan, these 10 steps can help you practice radical acceptance:

1. Observe: Notice that you are trying to fight reality with thoughts like “this isn’t fair” or “it shouldn’t be this way.”
2. Recognize the reality: Remind yourself that whatever negative situation you’re facing is the reality.
3. Identify the reason: Make yourself aware of the causes of the reality and why you can’t change it.
4. Practice: Practice accepting the situation with your mind, body, and soul using coping mechanisms like mindfulness, breathwork, and relaxation techniques.
5. List behaviors: Make a list of all of the behaviors you would engage in if you did accept the situation as reality, thinking of them in the present tense. 
6. Picture the outcome: Imagine believing the things you don’t want to accept and what would happen if you did.
7. Tend to your feelings: Pay attention to your body and how it feels as you consider the situation you need to accept.
8. Feel your emotions: Allow yourself to feel emotions like grief, anger, regret, and sadness as you process the event. Don’t ignore them.
9. Remind yourself why acceptance is worth it: Think about how your life will continue despite the pain and remind yourself that it’s still worth living.
10. Make a pros and cons list: If you still feel yourself resisting reality, try making a list of the benefits and drawbacks of accepting the situation to guide how you move forward.

Because radical acceptance works well as a part of DBT, you can also work with a mental health professional. You can also work with a coach who can lead you through similar steps to process current or past hardships.

11 coping statements for cultivating radical acceptance

Aside from practice, cultivating radical acceptance requires shadow work, which is the integration of the parts of yourself you’ve repressed or ignored. This requires vulnerability and giving yourself unconditional love.

One way to foster unconditional self-love is through positive affirmations. These statements can help you develop a positive mental attitude by reducing negative self-talk. Say these statements out loud in the present tense to see what resonates. 

A few affirmations you can use to develop radical acceptance across different situations include the following:

• I accept life without judgment or criticism.
• I am right where I’m supposed to be.
• I am proud of myself.
• I trust the process.
• I accept myself unconditionally. 
• I can do hard things.
• I am worthy of compassion and love.
• I am in control of my reaction to challenges.
• I am a beacon of strength and resilience.
• I grow stronger every day.
• I harness my inner strength to overcome adversity.

Cultivate radical acceptance to find inner peace

Radical acceptance can lead to emotional resilience and greater contentment in life. It’s an important aspect of personal development and growth, helping you let go of unnecessary resistance.

Developing radical acceptance starts with self-awareness to recognize and acknowledge how you respond to challenges. If you have trouble identifying your feelings and creating an action plan for change, consider enlisting outside help. 

A life coach can help you shift your perspectives, change your behavior, and develop a path toward self-confidence. Face your problems head-on with a BetterUp Coach to achieve greater life satisfaction.