You accomplish things worthy of praise every day.
You hit a deadline, make time in your schedule for self-care, and offer valuable support to a colleague. Yet, in the back of your mind, your inner voice might interrupt with negativity — it’s telling you that your work isn’t good enough, you don’t deserve self-care, and your colleague thinks your advice is no good.
Negative self-talk is a barrier many people face. The false narratives you tell yourself can erode your self-esteem and make it feel like nothing you do is ever good enough, hindering career growth and impacting your interpersonal relationships.
Battling your inner critic isn’t easy, but it’s possible to alter your mindset and treat yourself with the care you deserve. Learning how to stop negative self-talk can help you quiet that self-doubt and foster a more constructive self-dialogue.
What’s negative self-talk?
Negative self-talk is the inner voice that puts you down. It might judge you, doubt your abilities, and highlight your flaws, undermining your self-confidence and empowering your insecurities.
And it isn’t just your usual inner monologue. Self-talk is a systematic use of cue words that you verbalize or silently think to yourself. This negative inner dialogue differs from critical self-reflection, which is constructive and motivates positive change. While self-reflection wonders, “How can I improve my skills at work?” your negative inner critic might think, “I’m not good enough at my job.”
Constructing negative inner dialogues is part of the brain’s natural wiring. The human brain evolved to pay more attention to negative stimuli than positive stimuli to stay alert to potential threats. But in the modern day, this instinct might do more harm than good. According to Verywell Mind, it can lead to low motivation, feelings of helplessness, and even mental health challenges.
This kind of negative cognitive bias can manifest from many types of threats, like exposure to toxic environments or bullying. And according to a study from the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, it can also be a symptom of anxiety.
4 negative self-talk examples
Negative self-talk may take on specific patterns or have common triggers. Here are four different types, and examples, to pay attention to:
1. Personalizing
When something goes wrong, you might quickly blame yourself without any justification. Your boss’s bad mood could prompt you to feel self-conscious and think it’s because you’ve done something wrong, even if it has nothing to do with you. This can lead to unnecessary guilt.
Here are some other ways this kind of self-criticism can manifest:
- External circumstances delay an important project at work. Although you’re not responsible, you blame yourself for being behind the deadline.
- You were supposed to go to the movies with a friend, but they cancel on you at the last minute. You assume it’s because you did something wrong.
- A colleague with strong experience and know-how receives a promotion, and you think it’s only because you weren’t good enough for the role.
2. Catastrophizing
In this type of negative talk, you constantly imagine worse-case scenarios, even in positive or neutral interactions. This might look like the following:
- Your higher-up wants to talk about a project you’re working on, and you immediately assume it’s to reprimand you.
- You miss your alarm in the morning and you’re late for an appointment. This leads you to think that everything will go wrong that day.
- You haven’t heard from a friend in a while and assume it’s because they don’t like you.
3. Filtering
If you filter experiences, you reframe your perception of situations, ignoring the positive and highlighting the negative. You ignore compliments and congratulations and instead focus on the small critiques that confirm the negative things you think about yourself. This kind of rumination and self-pity might look like:
- Your team successfully completed a project that met all the client’s objectives. Instead of celebrating the success, you dwell on the minor hiccups.
- At a social gathering, you make a new friend who wants to see you again. But you can’t help but assume they want something from you or secretly don’t like you.
- A colleague praises your hard work and suggests improvement. You disregard the compliment and feel attacked.
4. Polarizing
With this kind of negative self-talk, your mind slips into an all-or-nothing thinking. If one thing goes wrong, it ruins your whole experience, and you find it hard to focus on the positives. Here are some more examples:
- Failing to become proficient in a new skill quickly makes you dismiss your ability to learn. Rather than embracing growth, you view yourself as inept.
- When your day isn’t 100% productive, you consider it a waste of energy despite checking several items off your to-do list.
- You and your significant other get in a fight. You jump to conclusions and think they hate you or plan to break up with you.
4 consequences of negative self-talk
Constantly engaging with negative automatic thoughts can affect your mental health and emotional well-being. When you don’t take steps to change your thinking, you may experience some of the following consequences:
- Decreased mental health: Rumination and self-blame are associated with an increased risk of mental health challenges, including anxiety and depression.
- Relationship problems: Jumping to negative conclusions about interactions or communication with coworkers, friends, and family members can negatively impact the quality of your relationships. When you constantly feel like you’re disappointing others, you might create distance or fail to show up as your whole self in your relationships.
- Limit your growth: Whenever you tell yourself you can’t accomplish something, it carves away at your self-esteem. Eventually, you might start to really believe it, turning down opportunities or putting in less effort.
- Perfectionism: You might start to think that nothing you do is good enough. Perfectionism could impact your ability to work effectively or follow deadlines because you constantly doubt your skills.
How to stop thinking negatively: 9 tips
Rewiring your thought processes isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying. Just remember that you can’t change all of your thoughts and behaviors at once. Small, actionable steps can help you learn how to stop negative thoughts and achieve a balanced, constructive perspective.
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution. Test out different ways of thinking differently, and if something doesn’t work, congratulate yourself for trying and choosing a new technique. Putting in the effort is a feat in itself.
Here are nine tips to try:
1. Recognize the negative self-talk
The first step to learning how to be less negative is developing self-awareness and identifying your bad habits. You may not be aware when your negative emotions take over at first, so this is an important first step.
Reflect on your thought patterns and try to recognize your negative inner dialogue. Take note of the triggers and scenarios that incite it. Writing them down in a journal is a useful technique to spot patterns and better prepare yourself to cope positively when your self-esteem takes a hit.
2. Take a pause
Rather than letting your negative thoughts take over, actively challenge them. Question their validity by examining what fuels the emotion. For example, if your manager calls a private meeting and you automatically think you’re in trouble, pause and sit with that thought. Ask yourself:
- Are my thoughts based on facts or assumptions?
- What evidence supports or contradicts my negative thinking?
- How else can I interpret this situation?
- What would I tell a good friend in the same situation?
- Is this thought helpful or harmful?
Answering these questions honestly can help you evaluate your thoughts more realistically. Chances are, your negative self-talk doesn’t have truth to it, and you can take steps toward creating a positive, balanced outlook.
3. Strive for positive self-talk
As part of your self-awareness work, actively reframe negative thinking into positive self-talk. This means remembering the positives of a situation, acknowledging your skills and desirable personality traits, and finding the optimistic truth.
If a meeting at work doesn’t go well, write down your negative and positive thinking. Focus on what went right and ask yourself how to turn potential mistakes into learning experiences. Over time, negative thinking will stop being an anchor and turn into opportunities for growth.
4. Practice positive affirmations
Practice positive affirmations to turn common negative thinking into uplifting, inspiring thoughts. When you have a negative thought, try to find its positive counterpart. Flip “People don’t enjoy spending time with me” to “I’m a valuable friend.”
Positive affirmations function differently for everybody. Find a routine that works for you, like beginning your day by repeating them in the mirror, writing them down in a journal, or filling your work area with positive written affirmations. Seeing them often will remind you of your worth.
5. Fill your day with positivity
It’s easy to get lost in the daily grind, especially when you have a long to-do list. Make the effort to reward yourself and schedule small moments of joy. A fun podcast, a playlist that makes you get up and dance, or reading a book of empowering quotes are small ways to add a touch of positivity to your day.
6. Focus on the present
Negative thinking often drags into ruminations about past mistakes or future worries. Meditation, regular journaling, and mindfulness techniques can bring you to the present moment and help you acknowledge the positives. Over time, consistently bringing your attention to the here and now can better equip you to handle challenges with a clear mind rather than dwelling on regrets and fears.
Find the method that resonates with you and practice regularly. A daily habit, like starting your morning with mindful breathing or a manifestation journal, can set the tone for the rest of the day.
7. Try a social media detox
Social media can connect you to friends, family, and the world around you. But it can also increase anxiety and loneliness, negatively impact your self-image, and trick you into comparing yourself to others.
If your social media use isn’t serving you, consider a digital detox to take regular breaks. Start by tracking your current use to identify problem areas and habits. From there, edit your schedule with social media blockers, try automatic quiet mode, or establish focus hours. Direct your energy toward things that bring you joy instead, like spending quality time with family or practicing a hobby you love.
8. Celebrate all your wins
Take a moment to acknowledge your accomplishments, whether crossing an item off your to-do list or turning a negative thought into a positive one. The number of positive accomplishments that fill your day might surprise you. Recognizing and celebrating them can help build momentum to take on bigger challenges with a better attitude.
9. Consult with a mental health professional
Some negative thinking patterns might be symptoms of a larger mental health challenge that you can’t conquer alone. If you think that might be the case for you, try meeting with a mental health professional.
Speaking with a therapist or counselor can help you develop personalized coping mechanisms and cognitive strategies to combat negative self-talk. At the same time, they can help you find the root cause of potential self-esteem problems and take steps toward growth. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help, and it could be the thing you need to finally let go of negative thoughts.
Encourage your inner cheerleader
You may not be able to silence your inner critic — but you can change how you interact with it.
Your internal dialogue is a conversation, not a mandate. Learning how to stop negative self-talk begins with engaging with your negative thoughts, challenging them, and turning them into positive interactions. While it may be difficult initially, these strategies and daily practices can transform negativity into more balanced, positive thinking.
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