A guide to coping mechanisms and how to practice healthy ones

Change is constant, and it’s overwhelming. That’s true whether the change is positive or negative, expected or unexpected. 

When something happens in your life, you look for ways to grapple with the new stressors while trying to keep your emotional balance. And whether you’re aware of them or not, you use coping mechanisms to navigate and manage those emotions.

But what exactly are coping mechanisms, and how do they function? Here’s how these strategies can help you manage difficult situations, along with how to discover which might work for you.

What are coping mechanisms?

Coping mechanisms are the patterns and behaviors people use to deal with unusually stressful situations. Humans lean on these strategies to keep themselves calm until they can fully adjust to the change.

Imagine you’re stepping onto a boat. When you put your foot on the deck, you feel the boat start to move beneath you. You hold on tightly to the railing until you get your footing. A short while later, you’re standing and talking to a friend on the boat when it suddenly begins to move. You stumble, looking for support behind you.

The movements of the boat are your changing circumstances. Your instincts to reach out for support are your coping mechanisms. As any sailor will tell you, certain parts of the boat are better to hold on to than others — and the same goes for coping. The goal is to discover what truly stabilizes you and keep those things close when change comes.

3 types of coping mechanisms

Coping mechanisms don’t come out of nowhere. Stressors, usually external situations or circumstances, trigger them. When these challenges arise, people usually default to one of two types of coping mechanisms: problem-focused coping and emotion-focused coping.

Problem-focused coping means taking some action to get help or make the situation easier to deal with in some way. Emotion-focused coping is about managing the symptoms of emotional distress that arise in response to the circumstance.

Neither coping mechanism is inherently better than the other. You can’t always take action to change your circumstances (for example, when you lose a loved one). In those cases, you can only manage your reactions. But there’s a good chance that when you face difficult circumstances, you use a blend of both types.

Here’s an example: you look at your credit card statement and see a number of unfamiliar charges. You start to feel uneasy but rationalize that they must belong to a family member. After checking with everyone, it becomes clear that the charges are fraudulent. Coping could look like: 

1. Problem-based coping

You call the bank right away and tell them what happened. You freeze the cards and your credit report so no further damage can be done. Then, you make a list of all your upcoming expenses so you can plan ways to handle them without your cards.

2. Emotion-based coping

You sit quietly for a minute before pulling out your phone and ordering your favorite takeout to help yourself feel better. Then, you talk to your partner and vent about the situation, later turning on a movie to distract yourself.

3. Blended response

You call your friend who just went through this situation themselves. They commiserate with you, reminding you that even though it’s frustrating, it happens on occasion. Your friend gives you a step-by-step list of what you need to do and encourages you to notify your bank right away. After you call the bank, you sit down to watch a favorite show that comforts you. When you feel a little better, you’ll get back to canceling — and replacing — the rest of your cards.

Both problem-focused and emotion-focused coping are active coping strategies. These are proactive ways that you might try to eliminate either the source of the stress or the stress itself. Active coping strategies are adaptive, meaning you learn how to adapt rather than reacting in an unhealthy or unproductive way.

Coping mechanisms versus defense mechanisms

Defense mechanisms are a particular type of coping mechanism. They typically only arise in response to feelings of internal stress. Defense mechanisms are the unconscious mind’s way of responding to something that is triggering, traumatic, or otherwise poses a threat to a person’s identity.

You usually know when you’re using a coping strategy to deal with stress. But with defense mechanisms, you might not recognize what you’re doing. The situation might be threatening enough that you can’t bring yourself even to acknowledge it, denying or repressing it. This isn’t healthy because it doesn’t take steps to manage the stress or the situation itself, whereas active coping strategies do.

The importance of coping mechanisms for well-being

Have you ever heard the phrase “Control only what you can control”? It directly applies to coping mechanisms. When circumstances feel overwhelming, your coping mechanisms help you bring them back under control. You do this by either managing the emotions or trying to fix the problem.

The magic of healthy coping mechanisms is that they bring you from stress and frustration back into homeostasis. When you use coping strategies, you unconsciously go into “problem-solving” mode. Your ways of coping highlight the parts of a situation that you actually have some control over, like your own actions and reactions.

Your belief in your ability to positively affect your circumstances is called your internal locus of control. People with a strong internal locus are often physically healthier, feel happier, and are six times more likely to be resilient. 

On the other hand, people with an external locus of control rely on external forces to drive actions or make decisions, which prevents them from taking personal initiative. Although this isn’t automatically negative — and there may be circumstances that you truly can’t control — it can lead to feelings of hopelessness and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

When we take charge of what we can control — even if it’s just our emotional reaction to our circumstances — we improve our outcomes tremendously. The situation tends to look better because we feel better about it. This decreases the likelihood of depression, anxiety, poor self-esteem, and not-so-healthy coping responses.

When you take charge of what you can control — even if it’s just your emotional reaction to circumstances — you improve your outcomes tremendously. The situation tends to look better because you feel better about it, even if nothing changes.

Unhealthy coping skills to look out for

If you’re unsure if you or another person is coping in a productive, healthy way, knowing the red flags can help you spot poor coping. According to Verywell Mind, these might include: 

• Increased substance use, including drugs, alcohol, and prescription medications
• Overeating or partaking in sugary, fatty, or processed foods that may not support physical health
• Pretending or acting as if the problem doesn’t exist
• Indulging in escapism through partying, games, or other pleasure-seeking activities
• Spending excessive amounts of money
• Downplaying or trivializing the severity of the problem
• Dramatic changes in spending or eating habits, sleeping patterns, or exercise routine
• Constantly complaining about the situation, or asking for help but then not accepting it
• Withdrawing from friends, hobbies, and relationships

9 healthy coping skills for challenging emotions

When experiencing anxiety, stress, or depression, you may have difficulty emotionally regulating or staying focused. It’s natural to want to feel better and more like yourself. You just have to approach those emotions in a healthy, intentional way. 

Harmful coping strategies won’t offer the same long-term wellness healthy ones can. Positive coping mechanisms help you bolster your toolbox with tactics that promote a genuine improvement in your wellness.

Coping mechanisms for anxiety

Anxiety feels like worry or fear, and it can be temporary or chronic. When you’re feeling anxious, you might be worried about a future event, like a tense upcoming meeting with a client. After the meeting, the anxiety often diminishes. But in chronic cases, you may feel intense fear of future events that aren’t pending or are completely out of your control, like worrying about what would happen if a loved one who’s healthy now should get sick. 

Anxiety can be uncomfortable, with symptoms ranging from an increased heartbeat to muscle tension. As a disclaimer, if you find these feelings don’t go away, contact a mental health professional. And when in-the-moment stressors arise, you can try the following effective coping skills at home:

1. Keep a journal 

Journaling is a productive coping technique if you’re struggling with anxiety. When you journal, you’re essentially venting to the page in a stream-of-consciousness style. Journaling can lessen anxiety as it helps you clear your mind, stop overthinking, and find solutions to the problems that may contribute to your fears. 

Some mental health professionals — like those who practice the cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) method — also recommend journaling to confront fears. Although seemingly counterintuitive, when you indulge your fears on the page, you flush out possible worst-case scenarios and see that you’d know how to handle them if they were to happen. And as a result, you feel like you have control. 

2. Keep up with essential self-care needs 

Anxiety can cause physical symptoms, so it’s important to keep tabs on your physical health while you’re coping. Ensure your anxiety strategy includes taking care of physiological needs like restful sleep, excellent nutrition, and sufficient hydration.

Practice calming or mood-boosting self-care strategies like using aromatherapy, taking a relaxing bath, or watching a funny movie. 

3. Do physical activity

Physical exercise supports emotional health. When you go for a jog, attend a yoga class, or squeeze in a session on the stationary bike, you release happy hormones like dopamine and endorphins. These hormones can help you feel better and cope positively. Getting adequate physical exercise can also improve your sleep. 

Coping mechanisms for stress management 

Chronic stress can lead to health problems like heart disease and digestive issues, so it’s important to recognize and treat. 

In an ideal scenario, you can modulate your levels of stress by taking a step back from the situation. It’s not always possible to remove yourself and reflect, but when you break free from the stress vortex and focus on centering your mind and relaxing your body, you can control uncomfortable feelings. And you may find you’re better prepared to face the situation stressing you out. Here are some ways to cope with stress:

4. Do breathing exercises 

Parasympathetic or deep breathing exercises help control stress. When experiencing a high-stress situation, your body goes into a fight-or-flight response, increasing your respiratory rate. When you deep breathe, you drop that rate, informing your body that it's safe from harm. 

Mindful breathing is a great place to start. It pushes you to focus on your breath and gain control of your nervous system, calming your body down and giving you the clarity you need to face the problem.

5. Relax your muscles 

Stress can cause muscle tension, so releasing it can help you manage symptoms and return your body to a more relaxed state. Progressive muscle relaxation techniques calm muscle groups one by one until you release all the tension you can. 

Practice progressive muscle relaxation by working each set of muscles from your toes to your forehead, tightening and releasing them. Focus fully on the activity and move slowly. It’s wise to follow a guide the first time you practice the technique to perform it correctly.

6. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is an excellent stress management technique because it pulls you from tense situations and into the present moment. When you practice mindfulness, you tune into what you’re feeling in your body and use your senses to perceive your environment. This can ground you and calm you down.

You don’t have to stop your day and meditate to achieve mindfulness. Mindfulness is about becoming aware of your surroundings and the present moment, not sitting and focusing on your thoughts. Wherever you and whatever you’re doing, pay attention to your breath, make an observation about the world, or concentrate on the task at hand. 

Coping mechanisms for depression

Depression is an emotional state that might involve negative thoughts, sadness, and a lack of enjoyment. People with depressive symptoms may also lose interest in daily activities and question their self-worth. 

As with any mental health challenge, the best coping technique is getting professional help. Talk through your feelings with a therapist or social worker. If your healthcare plan doesn’t cover this service, try accessing one of any number of affordable therapy apps.

If you want to practice healthy coping mechanisms in your day-to-day, you can try these techniques:

8. Prioritize 

When you’re feeling depressed, you might not find the motivation to do anything at all. When that happens, it can help to go back to basics. Prioritize your self-care and boil your to-do list down to one or two tasks that seem more manageable. Ticking items off your to-do list can fuel motivation and a sense of accomplishment, which can brighten your mood.

9. Affirm yourself 

Research from Frontiers in Psychiatry shows that affirming yourself can reduce the effects of depression. Practicing positive self-talk, like “I am capable” or “I am worthy of love,” can be a positive coping technique when your self-esteem is low. 

If you’re already feeling demotivated and experiencing self-doubt, self-validation may be tough. Look online and use a worksheet as a guide to give this activity structure and encourage you to see it through. 

10. Seek social support 

You might be the go-to caregiver for struggling friends or family members. But if you’re experiencing caregiver burnout or another mental health challenge, it’s time for you to seek support from others. 

A study on the impact of social support during the COVID-19 pandemic showed that those with strong social support suffered depression at a rate of 63% less than their counterparts who felt alone. It might be hard to reach out and ask for help, but it’s worth it to let others know how you’re feeling and get the support you need.

Which coping style works best for you?

In the midst of a stressful situation, it can be hard to figure out how to start “fixing” it. Understanding how coping mechanisms work can help you create a strategy that suits you. You can even design your framework in advance as a resource for when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Here’s a sample step-by-step guide for getting through a difficult situation:

1. Identify the feeling as “frustration”

The part of the brain that produces strong negative emotions is distinct from the part that handles problem-solving, so to cope, you have to connect those two parts. Labeling your feelings can connect the “reacting” mode with the “problem-solving” mode and give you the words to describe how you feel. 

Of course, there will be times when just labeling the feeling won’t take away the emotion. If that’s the case, you can have a plan for that too. Try drawing, journaling, or going for a long walk to calm yourself down and brainstorm ideas for what to do. If a strategy is particularly effective (or ineffective), make note of it for next time.

2. Determine which coping skill to use

Take a look at the situation. Is it something that you can control? The amount of control you have will determine how best to react.

If you do have some control, you can use problem-focused coping skills. You might ask for help, write a list of action items, or talk to someone involved with the situation. You could also talk to a coach to start brainstorming coping methods.

And when you can’t directly change the situation, or if you’re too overwhelmed to start working on it, use emotion-focused coping strategies. This includes anything that will make you feel better in a healthy and productive way. You might take a yoga class, read a book, or watch a funny video to release some happy hormones and try to relax.

3. Control what you can control

You always have some control over a situation, even if it’s just how you feel about it. Try thinking about your perfect outcome. Instead of wallowing in frustration, ask yourself, “What would it take to make this happen?” Solution-oriented questions can highlight potential action items.

If the situation feels unchangeable, like the loss of a loved one, acknowledging that feeling can help. Try saying, “I can’t change this, but I can change…”

However you move forward, it’s important to give yourself some emotional grace. Trying to cover up or move past your feelings could leave you feeling worse about the situation. Face your feelings instead of repressing them.

Final thoughts on coping mechanisms

When life events have you feeling overwhelmed, it's always good to start by taking a step back. Doing so allows us to gain perspective and reframe the situation. When we have a healthy perspective on stressful events, we're able to solve them better. Healthy coping strategies focus on keeping yourself feeling good as you tackle the problem.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms often arise when we feel too overwhelmed to take any productive action. Keeping a list of your triggers and talking through them with a coach can help you move forward even when you feel stuck.