Soul ties: how they form and how to break unhealthy ones

Soul ties refer to deep emotional connections that can significantly impact personal growth and well-being. These strong and long-lasting connections can be positive or negative and can happen within any kind of relationship. While they aren’t backed by scientific evidence, many people claim to feel these spiritual bonds.

Understanding and navigating these bonds is crucial for developing healthy relationships. Discover more about where the soul tie concept originated, the different types of soul ties, and how you can break off those that aren’t contributing to your happiness.

Soul ties describe a special level of intimacy with a devoted partner and can be healthy or unhealthy. These emotional bonds can also be linked to toxic, narcissistic relationships that hinder emotional well-being. 

In New Age teachings, which are spiritual practices developed in the late 1970s, soul ties are thought to transcend physical boundaries, as if two souls have been connected across multiple lifetimes. When religious contexts refer to soul ties, they sometimes describe an “ungodly soul tie” that can form through sexual relations, thus promoting abstinence and emphasizing the importance of saving yourself for marriage.

Types of soul ties

Soul ties can describe different types of relationships. Because no two connections are the same, there isn’t one standard kind of soul tie.

There are four types of soul ties:

• Physical: Physical soul ties involve a physical connection, such as a sexual relationship.
• Emotional: Emotional soul ties involve feelings of intense attachment, such as experiencing a strong need for the other person’s presence.
• Mental: Mental soul ties refer to close intellectual connections or shared interests or experiences, such as both experiencing a similar traumatic event.
• Spiritual: Spiritual soul ties may share a similar religious background or connection in a spiritual realm, such as having the same beliefs and rituals.

Are soul ties real?

Soul ties don’t have any scientific evidence behind them, but that doesn’t mean that what you feel isn’t real. The deep connection you experience may be what some people would call a soul tie, and the person you feel the connection to can be called a soulmate. However, the term usually describes a deeper interpersonal relationship rather than a supernatural bond.

Soul ties in the Bible

Although the term “soul ties” doesn’t appear in the Christian Bible, some believe the idea may have originated there. Passages such as 1 Samuel 18:1 mention the idea of souls being “knit” together, becoming one in spirit and becoming one flesh, which is similar to the idea that soul ties join two people as one. 

The term itself may have originated within the New Age ideology. This ideology includes the belief that all of reality is part of the whole, meaning man is part of (or tied to) God. 

How are soul ties formed? 

People form connections in different ways. However, many soul tie relationships develop through the following:

• Prolonged interactions, such as romantic relationships, close friendships, connections with coworkers, and relationships with family members
• Physical intimacy, which can significantly strengthen an existing soul tie
• Shared experiences, personal values, or beliefs
• Formal commitments, such as through covenants like vows and marriage
• Vulnerability, such as sharing deep feelings and openness to forming an emotional bond with another person
• Connection through trauma, such as transgenerational trauma that is passed down from generation to generation until someone breaks the cycle

The ties created through these experiences are thought to be binding and hard to break.

Signs of soul ties

The signs of soul ties you experience may depend on whether the connection is positive or negative. Regardless of its nature, a soul tie relationship can significantly impact your emotional, spiritual, and social well-being.

Signs of a healthy soul tie connection include shared relationship values and feeling the following ways:

• Safe: You trust the other person and feel safe sharing intimate details about your life with them, creating a sense of psychological safety.
• Understood: The person understands you on a fundamental level and makes you feel less alone.
• Vulnerable: You feel comfortable being open and honest in a way that you might not with others.
• Accepted: You feel unconditional love and acceptance from the other person. 
• Energized: You’re motivated and recharged after spending time with the person.
• Nurtured: You want to do everything you can to help your connection grow and feel the same efforts in return.
• Respected: You show mutual respect and want to see each other succeed.
• Familiar: You feel comfortable and generally know what to expect when you spend time with this person.
• Protective: You prioritize the other person’s well-being and feel protective over it.
• Empathetic: You can pick up on how the other person is feeling and understand their perspective, and they can do the same for you.

Signs of an unhealthy soul tie

Sometimes, soul ties can be a red flag in a relationship. They can indicate toxic traits like selfishness, manipulation, and dishonesty. Many of the traits of unhealthy soul ties are also narcissistic tendencies that can lead to emotional and mental abuse.

Some common signs of unhealthy soul ties include the following:

• Codependency: The other person doesn’t respect your autonomy in the relationship and makes you feel guilty for spending time with others.
• Loss of identity: You feel like you’ve changed who you are as a result of the relationship.
• Separation anxiety: You, the other person, or both of you feel anxious or distressed when you’re apart, even if it’s for a short period.
• Crossing lines: The other person doesn’t respect the healthy boundaries you’ve set for yourself in the relationship.
• Emotional abuse: The person shows signs of being an emotional vampire, such as gaslighting or making inappropriate comments about highly personal things.
• Feeling pressured: You feel pressured to do things you don’t want to do, even when you’ve voiced your disinterest..
• Isolation: You feel like you’ve abandoned other important relationships in your life to nurture this one.
• Feeling depleted: You lack energy and motivation and feel mentally exhausted after spending time with the other person.
• Sacrificing: You find yourself sacrificing your hobbies and personal interests for the sake of this soul tie.

How to break a soul tie

If you believe you’re experiencing an unhealthy soul tie, you’re not alone. Sometimes, it can be hard to distinguish a healthy relationship from an unhealthy one, especially during the early stages of a relationship. However, if you feel like it’s a toxic relationship affecting your mental health and well-being, it’s likely time to let go of the person you feel bonded to.

A few ways you can break a soul tie and begin healing include the following:

• Make a decision to end it: Breaking a soul tie requires you to be ready to let it go. It helps to make a decision first in your mind and then give yourself the permission to create the distance you need to separate from that person. Declaring the soul tie as “over” carries its own power.
• Improve your self-awareness: Become aware of warning signs that your relationship is unhealthy to help you break off these strong ties. Notice your energy levels and state of being after your interactions with the person. Be intentional about proactive prevention rather than searching for a solution after the fact. 
• Set boundaries: Create and communicate clear boundaries to help avoid a similar situation in the future. Setting a healthy boundary may involve limiting or diminishing contact altogether. 
• Get rid of related belongings: Seeing gifts and notes from the person or photos of them can keep the soul tie lingering in your mind. It’s a good idea to get rid of these items or put them out of sight.
• Surround yourself with positive people: Tap into your support system to surround yourself with people who have positive personality traits. Positive people can help restore your energy and lift your spirits. This helps remind you how a healthy relationship can look and how it feels to receive love in the way you prefer.
• Lean into healing practices: Activities like mindfulness and meditation help increase your awareness of your emotions without judgment. These practices can promote healing from past relationships, help you manage stress, and build a more positive mindset.
• Give yourself grace: Show yourself self-love and forgiveness by prioritizing self-care as you heal. Some self-care practices you can try include taking a walk, setting fitness goals, practicing mindful breathing, or starting a journal. Writing about your feelings can help you better understand your emotions and those of others.
• Focus on gratitude: Try to change your perspective to be grateful for everything the relationship taught you. Research published in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that practicing gratitude for six weeks can improve your mental well-being and create a lasting perspective change.
• Allow yourself to grieve: Breaking soul ties is not an easy process, regardless of the circumstances. Allow yourself to mourn the relationship instead of pushing your feelings aside.

Soul ties vs. twin flames

You may have also heard the term “twin flames” used to describe a connection similar to soul ties. This phrase originated during the New Age movement to describe an intense connection between two people. It often refers to romantic relationships but can also describe platonic, emotional, and intellectual connections.

However, there are a few key differences between twin flames and soul ties:

• Energy source: Twin flames are thought to have been created from a single source of energy, whereas soul ties are built through relationships.
• Exclusivity: You can experience soul ties with multiple people throughout your life, whereas you can only have one twin flame.
• Quantity: Twin flames often refer to “two halves of the same soul,” while soul ties can develop with multiple people over a lifetime.

One thing the terms have in common is that neither is backed by scientific evidence. They are both spiritual concepts, making them difficult to study and measure.

Achieve emotional freedom to create healthier relationships

Soul ties aren’t always negative, but they’re not always positive, either. It’s important to learn to spot the difference between healthy and unhealthy soul ties to create healthier relationships.

If you find that close relationships aren’t your strong suit, don’t panic. A relationship coach can help you build interpersonal skills to improve connections and foster personal growth.

Work with a BetterUp Coach to navigate your relationships with confidence and achieve better social and mental health.