Signs of social awkwardness and 15 ways to overcome it

Picture yourself at a friend’s birthday party. While conversing with someone new, you start to feel uneasy. Maybe you don’t know what to say to keep the conversation going, or you’re struggling to pick up on the other person’s social cues. You might worry that you’re creating an awkward situation. Your heart starts to race, and you feel your face get hot. 

You’re experiencing social awkwardness.

Social awkwardness impacts communication and relationships in all parts of our lives. It can make it more challenging to build lasting friendships as well as be an effective leader for your team at work. It’s important that we learn how to identify and address it to create more fulfilling relationships.

Let’s take a closer look at social awkwardness, uncover its signs, and explore ways to overcome it.

At times, social awkwardness can make it difficult to communicate effectively. You might get overwhelmed and not know what to say. However, being able to manage these symptoms increases your ability to problem solve, resolve conflict, connect with others, and communicate your ideas. If you’re in a leadership position, or even if you work closely with your team, these social skills are critical to leading a more fulfilling life. 

It can sometimes be confused with other social difficulties like social anxiety or introversion. However, for most people, social awkwardness occurs as a result of one or more of these challenges. 

What causes social awkwardness?

Social awkwardness can stem from one of many root causes. You might also find that it’s linked to more than one. Consider the following as some of the most common causes of social awkwardness:

• Introversion: An introvert recharges by spending time in solitude. Compared to extroverts, they might enjoy socializing but find it draining. Extreme introversion can lead to social awkwardness. 
• Social anxiety: Social anxiety disorder (SAD) stems from a fear of rejection or embarrassment. This social phobia might create a struggle in a social situation or make it difficult to have conversations. 
• Overthinking or rumination: A brain prone to overthinking may ruminate on past social interactions, engaging in negative self-talk for things they didn’t say or do correctly. Such a habit can make you feel more socially awkward for fear of making a mistake. 
• Perfectionism: Individuals with perfectionism tend to have more social awkwardness because they hold themselves to a high standard. They may fear disappointing themselves or others. If every social interaction must be performed perfectly, it can make having easygoing conversations tricky. 
• Childhood experiences with bullying or trauma: Early childhood experiences with bullying can cause someone to fear similar responses in adulthood. It can manifest as social awkwardness. 
• Imposter syndrome: This is when someone feels they’ll be discovered as a fraud or unworthy by those around them. Imposter syndrome can cause someone to retreat inward and grow nervous by socializing. 
• Shyness: Being reserved and shy are normal characteristics. With practice, you can build skills to help you navigate social environments and overcome being shy. 
• Social media use: For some people, spending a lot of time online reduces in-person socializing and can lead to social awkwardness. 
• Neurodivergence: Neurodivergent individuals communicate differently than neurotypicals. For example, autistic individuals may speak directly, avoid making eye contact, and struggle to guess how someone else feels. 

Identifying the source of social awkwardness can help you create an effective method of addressing it. It can tell you when to extend grace for your social habits versus which characteristics you’d like to work on improving.

Signs of social awkwardness

The signs of social awkwardness look different for everyone. They may arise while you’re at a social gathering or in anticipation of socializing. The following are common signs of social awkwardness:

• Physical discomfort such as an upset stomach or lightheadedness 
• Uncertainty about what to say
• Fear of saying the wrong thing
• Feeling self-conscious 
• Avoiding eye contact
• Fidgeting
• Closed body language
• Sweating, racing heart, or blushing

As you pay closer attention to how social awkwardness presents for you, grant yourself compassion. Social awkwardness is not necessarily a bad thing. It takes practice to improve social skills and learn to connect with people better.

15 ways to overcome social awkwardness

In learning how to overcome social awkwardness, make sure to experiment with different strategies. Aim to find the ones that are most effective for you. That way, you can feel more prepared to step out of your comfort zone during social interactions or when you’re surrounded by a lot of people. Try the following tips to help you get started.

Reflect on the source of your discomfort

As you consider the root cause of your social discomfort, it’s helpful to know the differences between SAD, introversion, and social awkwardness. For example, you can be an introvert who struggles with a fear of social rejection, which contributes to awkwardness if you’re at a networking event for work or interviewing for a new role. 

Consider asking yourself the following questions:

• What are my fears around social interaction?
• Are those fears rooted in experience, general anxiety, or something else?
• Am I giving myself enough time to rest and recharge between social gatherings?
• Is it possible that insecurities or low self-esteem negatively impacts my social confidence?
• Do I feel like I don’t belong in my social and professional environments?

Finding the source of social awkwardness often means being vulnerable with yourself. This may spotlight insecurities or fears. Practice self-compassion. You might be surprised to discover that giving yourself grace and freedom to make mistakes builds confidence. 

Lead with curiosity 

When speaking with someone you’ve just met, lead with curiosity. Ask them questions about themselves. Try to learn about their interests and hobbies. Inquiring about other people’s interests is one of the best ways to make friends and get along better with others. 

If you struggle with social awkwardness, you might often draw a blank on what questions to ask in the moment. Consider preparing a handful of questions beforehand to get to know someone. These can be questions like:

• What do you like to do outside of work?
• What are your hobbies right now?
• What books, movies, television shows, or music are you loving currently?

Curious questions that nudge beyond more surface-level small talk can often reveal a shared interest or excitement. When you uncover this topic, speaking with a new person may feel easier. 

In addition to getting curious with others, take the same approach for yourself. Ask yourself what situations make you feel the most comfortable. If there are any trends, make note of them. These places where you feel the most at ease are the perfect spaces to practice new social skills. 

Prioritize eye contact

Eye contact shows you’re actively listening and interested in what someone is saying. It allows people to better connect during a social interaction, whether it’s at work, home, school, or anywhere else. 

That said, making and maintaining eye contact isn’t easy for everyone, especially if they are dealing with social anxiety. You don’t need to force yourself to keep unwavering eye contact for the entire duration of the conversation. Instead, consider these techniques:

• Make eye contact at the start of the conversation, then break and resume at intervals that feel OK for you
• Try holding eye contact long enough to notice the color of someone’s eyes or until they blink
• Practice making eye contact while speaking with trusted loved ones to help you get accustomed to the feeling

Growing more comfortable with eye contact takes practice. You can take small steps and work toward it so it feels more intuitive. 

Pay attention to your body language

If you’re socially awkward, you may struggle to recognize and display nonverbal communication. Here are a few examples of body language that signals social awkwardness:

• Fidgeting
• Leaning or turning your body away
• Wringing your hands together
• Biting your nails or lip
• Tugging at strands of hair

It’s important to implement new body language techniques in moderation. Say you notice that you tend to fidget, wring your hands together, and avert your gaze when overwhelmed by a social interaction. Focus on improving one at a time. For example, you might work on standing still and facing the other person but still allow yourself to move your hands and fingers.

Pro tip: If you’re looking for how to network or interview better, try paying attention to the speaker’s body language and mirror it. Subtly reflecting body movements back to people shows that you’re tuned in and listening. 

Avoid interrupting people when they’re speaking

Part of reading social cues is identifying the best moment to add to the conversation. For socially awkward individuals, it can be difficult to notice this opportunity. They might be more likely to interrupt the speaker in an effort to contribute to the conversation. So watch for the right places to chime in. It might look like a lull in the conversation or a pause in between sentences. 

Interruptions are distracting and frustrating to the speaker. If you do accidentally interrupt someone, apologize and return to the topic. Most people have experienced being interrupted. It’s likely that they’ll appreciate your acknowledgment of the interruption and effort to reestablish space for them to continue speaking. 

Work on your active listening skills

Active listening involves paying close attention to the speaker and understanding what they’re saying. Instead of thinking ahead and planning for what you’ll say next, focus on listening to the conversation in the present moment. 

Here are some tips to show someone that you’re actively listening:

• Use nonverbal cues or facial expressions like smiling or nodding
• Ask questions, lead with curiosity, and avoid jumping to conclusions
• Paraphrase the speaker’s words and recite them back 
• Attune to the speaker, reflecting their feelings back to them
• Try to ask open-ended questions

Good active listening skills help the speaker feel valued and engaged. Active listening can also activate the reward system in the speaker’s brain. The more you tune in to what they are saying, the stronger a connection you’ll achieve.

Learn relaxation techniques

Both SAD and social awkwardness appear in the body as physical symptoms like sweating, rapid heartbeat, or restlessness. These signs might make it more challenging to think of something to say or cause you to stammer when you speak. The good news is that you can implement in-the-moment relaxation techniques to help:

• Place a hand on your chest and take long, slow breaths
• Look around your space and identify all items of a certain color
• Pay attention to how the ground feels under your feet
• Practice a parasympathetic breathing exercise

Mental grounding techniques like progressive muscle relaxation are helpful if you can find a private place while at a social event. You can also experiment with visualization techniques. Picture yourself having great conversations and making new connections. In doing so, you might find yourself excited to meet new people and feel more relaxed. 

Practice making small talk

More often than not, starting a conversation with a new person usually consists of small talk. You’ll likely ask questions related to their hometown or work along with other introductory lines of inquiry. You’re covering the basics and looking for something you have in common. 

Author and Harvard Business School Professor Alison Wood Brooks, who wrote Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves, asserts that small talk is a common practice, especially if you’re meeting someone for the first time. 

Try viewing small talk as a treasure hunt. You’re searching for small pieces of information that could lead to deeper conversations. However, identifying these tidbits takes practice. In most cases, you can trust that your conversation partner is happy to discuss their interests and hobbies. 

Be patient with yourself

When you’re used to withdrawing during social interactions, building new social skills won’t happen overnight. You’re reframing old habits, and it will be a conscious effort to learn new skills and habits, so be patient with yourself. 

If you make a mistake, try to brush it off and continue. If you become so overwhelmed that you forget your practiced questions, cut yourself some slack. Learning new skills takes time. 

Challenge negative self-talk

Negative self-talk is the voice in the back of your mind that wants you to believe you’re not worthy. In social settings, it could manifest as believing there is no reason someone would want to get to know you. Alternatively, it may present itself as a reluctance to learn new social skills due to a fear of failure. The trick is reframing negative self-talk into something positive and encouraging. 

For example, instead of saying to yourself, “There is no point in trying to converse better because I will always be bad at socializing,” you might think, “Learning how to socialize better takes time, and I’m allowed to make mistakes.”

Pro tip: Sometimes, doing power poses before heading to a social gathering can help boost your confidence. You might be surprised how even a little increase in self-confidence can make socializing feel more approachable. 

When trying to rewrite your default responses to social anxiety, you’re likely to encounter this critical internal narrative. Try replacing these thoughts with positive affirmations. A regular practice of positive affirmations activates the part of the brain associated with high self-competence. Affirmations positively alter your outlook about yourself and can help boost confidence. 

Consider your perfectionism

Perfectionism and social awkwardness are closely linked. Perfectionists hold themselves to a high standard. Yet this also means they might be tougher on themselves if they don’t say or do exactly the right thing. Over time, this fear of making a mistake, and the internal berating that follows, may evolve into social anxiety disorder. 

A study published by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) looked at social anxiety as a mental health concern associated with perfectionism. It found that perfectionists are more likely to overestimate social standards and underestimate their ability to meet those expectations. That means it’s possible you’re not as bad at socializing as you think — it could be perfectionism instead. 

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of rooting yourself in the present moment. Meditation and yoga are two examples, but you can also practice grounding techniques to help boost your well-being:

• Focus on one of your five senses: Light your favorite candle, take a warm shower, eat sour candy, or engage in another enjoyable experience to activate one of your senses 
• Walk barefoot on grass or soil: Whether in a backyard or park, walking or sitting on the ground can help reorient yourself in the present moment 
• Move your body: A mindful walk, where you focus on the birds or plants in your neighborhood, can help ground you. It’s especially helpful if you’re feeling restless. 
• Breathing techniques: Strategies like box breathing, yogic breathwork, or visualizations can all help focus your mind on the present

A regular practice of mindfulness creates a solid foundation of emotional and mental stability, allowing you to more effectively examine your anxious thoughts. Mindfulness invites you to get out of your head and into the moment. Instead of critiquing your social ability, focus on the conversation topic and person. 

Ask for advice from people you trust

The perspective of trusted friends, family, or mentors can help reframe how you think about social awkwardness. Say you reflect on a situation where you felt you interacted awkwardly. A mentor may clarify that perhaps it wasn’t odd and that you’re being too hard on yourself. Gaining an outsider’s point of view can help you get an accurate understanding of the magnitude of social awkwardness and what you should work on. 

Additionally, a trusted friend can help you practice social skills. If you want to try making small talk or work on your eye contact, this individual can be a great resource to help with your social life. 

Take a social skills class or work with a coach

Once you’ve decided to focus on building social skills, you have a couple of options for how to approach it. In tandem with independent practice, you can take a social skills class, work with a coach, or both. 

Social skills classes invite students to focus on the cause of their social awkwardness to work on resolving the root causes of poor social skills. Some classes cater their offerings to individuals with ADHD, autism, or SAD. 

At the same time, a professional coach offers a curated approach to managing social awkwardness. It might work better for individuals who want a more one-on-one experience. Not only does a coach help manage social awkwardness, but they can help in all facets of life and work. For example, they can help you navigate anxiety around public speaking, giving presentations, or speaking on the phone. 

In addition to working with a coach or taking social skill courses, working with a mental health professional can also help. They will help you navigate and process any complicated feelings related to socializing.

Accept yourself

Self-acceptance is the act of accepting yourself for who you are. It means acknowledging that you have both positive and negative characteristics, and both are OK. 

If you’re socially awkward, accepting yourself can feel challenging. You may not feel like you fit in or understand social norms and want to change certain characteristics about yourself. Yet it’s important to remember that self-love means to accept and love all parts of yourself without criticism. 

Here are a few ideas for how you can practice self acceptance:

• Implement a daily gratitude practice
• Reframe your negative self-talk
• Forgive yourself for past mistakes
• Be compassionate toward yourself
• Speak up for yourself
• Accommodate your sensory needs in social situations

Practicing self-compassion can help relieve some of the tension around social anxiety. In most cases, it doesn’t help your social skills to be tough on yourself. Self-acceptance can help you feel more fulfilled and confident in every situation. This is true for anyone, but it can be especially important for neurodivergent individuals.

Improving social awkwardness with neurodivergence

Neurodivergent individuals often don’t socialize according to neurotypical standards. Yet many of the societal standards for socializing revolve around neurotypical norms. For example, averting one’s eyes or failing to make direct eye contact can be perceived as rude. However, for an autistic individual, eye contact can be an overwhelmingly uncomfortable experience. 

As a result, many neurodivergent people turn to masking. Masking is a set of learned skills that help neurodivergent individuals blend in and hide their personality traits. However, prolonged masking can result in burnout. If you’re ADHD, autistic, or another kind of neurodivergent, your approach to socialization may look different from a neurotypical. Adjust the tactics listed above to fit your social and sensory needs. 

Here are some ideas for how you can enjoy social interactions:

• Don’t force yourself into social situations that feel like too much
• Take a break, go for a walk, or step outside
• Learn to identify your body’s cues that you’re growing overwhelmed
• Choose social activities that feel more approachable
• Spend time with trusted and accepting individuals
• Set personal boundaries for what you are and aren’t comfortable doing
• Be kind to yourself

If you’re neurodivergent, navigating social awkwardness means learning to work with how your brain naturally operates. Be patient with yourself. If you choose to socialize with trusted friends and family, you will be accepted for who you are.

Learn to navigate social awkwardness with ease

Whether in your personal life or at work, interpersonal skills are critical to building lasting connections with the people around you. Yet social awkwardness can make these interactions overwhelming. With the right resources and guidance, you can build a reliable set of social skills to help you navigate social interactions. As you build these new skills, remember that you're not alone.

Improve your social skills with a BetterUp Coach to learn how to connect with the people around you and create a more fulfilling life.