It can be difficult to know whether a relationship is healthy. Not everyone has had good role models for relationships. However, you can learn the signs of a healthy relationship and pattern yours accordingly.
What is a healthy relationship?
A healthy relationship involves respect, care, and the freedom to retain your individuality. Curating healthier relationships makes you feel more valued and connected with those around you.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development examined what brings people fulfillment. In The Good Life: Lessons From The World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness, the authors concluded, “It’s brought us to a simple and profound conclusion: Good relationships lead to health and happiness.”
20 signs of a healthy relationship
Every relationship dynamic is unique, and it isn’t always easy to gauge whether certain relationships benefit your mental health and well-being. Looking for green flags in relationships can help you determine whether your connections are healthy and respectful. The following are some signs of a healthy relationship.
1. You show mutual respect
Respect in a relationship means you have regard for the other person’s autonomy and dignity. You recognize their emotions as valid, and vice versa.
Even if you have differing values in a relationship, respecting another person includes seeing their perspective as equally important. Minimizing the other’s personal goals and feelings doesn’t show respect and can damage the relationship.
2. You care about each other
In any healthy relationship, you should care about the other person’s physical and emotional well-being. Empathy for loved ones is a cornerstone of treating them well.
3. You enjoy spending time together
A 2023 Communications Biology study found that shared experiences strengthen connections. Whether you’re trying new things together or relaxing at home, looking forward to spending time with someone is a sign of love. Even something as basic as watching TV or taking a walk together can bring you closer.
4. You're at ease with each other
Feeling at ease around someone indicates a strong interpersonal relationship. It’s important you feel that you can be your authentic self without fear of judgment. Of course, some people may struggle with fears of judgment around anyone.
Social anxiety is a common problem, especially in new relationships. Experiencing anxiety around someone doesn’t mean the relationship is unhealthy. But once you build a comfortable relationship, talking to that person should put you at ease.
5. You both have autonomous lives
It’s not healthy for your entire life to revolve around another person. Autonomy in a relationship is vital because you can lose your sense of self without it.
A relationship that lacks autonomy may make one partner feel suffocated while the other feels dependent. You should be able to make decisions without that person’s input and function without needing them to always be present.
6. You trust each other
For a healthy relationship to last, you need mutual trust. This involves trusting a person’s words as well as their intentions. Dishonesty, including lying by omission, can damage a relationship. Lies by omission are when you purposely leave out details in a conversation, misrepresenting the truth.
Fortunately, you can often fix a relationship by rebuilding trust. Repair will take time and sometimes require difficult conversations. However, rebuilding trust can prove advantageous if you care about the relationship.
7. You communicate openly and freely
Effective communication involves being transparent and honest. Expressing your feelings without fear of judgment can help you feel safe in a relationship. If bringing up your needs and concerns feels natural, that’s a sign of healthy communication.
Some people prone to feeling anxious may experience nervousness in conversations where they must voice their needs or concerns. But if open communication with a specific person causes you to feel a pit in your stomach, the relationship may not be healthy.
8. You want the best for one another
Truly caring about someone means wanting the best for them. Being jealous on occasion or feeling insecure are normal relationship issues. However, if you and another person care about each other, working to overcome those emotions is important.
Let’s say your friend gets promoted at work. You might experience complex feelings, including uncertainty about your own career path. You may also worry about how their new responsibilities will impact the time they can spend with you. But those feelings shouldn’t get in the way of supporting someone you care for.
9. You display consideration
Consideration is a simple but significant gesture. Being considerate means thinking of another person and how your actions might make them feel. While you can’t always foresee when something could hurt someone’s feelings, keeping the emotional well-being of others in mind helps to deepen relationships.
10. You boost each other's self-esteem
A caring relationship improves self-esteem rather than diminishes it. Couples, friendships, and family dynamics thrive when people lift one another up and relish each other’s happiness and personal achievements. People close to you ought to fuel your self-love and celebrate your victories.
11. You talk about the future
Talking about the future doesn’t have to mean planning decades ahead. It just means being excited about things you can do with your free time together.
In long-term relationships, whether platonic or romantic, it’s comforting to discuss plans like going on a road trip someday or to a concert in a few months. This shows that you’re both in it for the long haul.
12. You rely on each other
Showing up for a loved one when it matters is a true sign of closeness. If you regularly act as a listening ear during someone’s emotional crises, it’s important that you can rely on them to return the favor.
Reliability includes keeping promises and commitments. When a person constantly offers to help or spend quality time with someone they care about but doesn’t follow through, it can erode trust. Be transparent and communicate clearly if you must cancel plans or are unable to keep your word.
13. You talk through disagreements
Relationships can’t overcome adversity without good communication and problem-solving skills. During arguments, it’s critical that both people try to understand the other’s point of view. Rather than assuming the worst, talk things out to see how communication might change your perspective.
14. You are open to forgiveness
Everyone makes mistakes. The best thing to do is learn from your mistakes and carry that wisdom into future interactions.
If someone hurts you unintentionally and can apologize with grace, it may be worth forgiving them. Ask yourself if they had ill intent and have attempted to change their behavior to avoid repeating the issue. Forgiveness is more promising if you know them to be a good person at heart.
Forgiveness benefits the forgiver as well. A 2022 study in the Journal of Religion and Health found forgiveness has positive effects on psychological health, including lower anxiety and depression and increased self-esteem.
15. You're a positive influence on one another
Those who genuinely care for you will want you to be the best version of yourself. This might mean having difficult conversations and addressing uncomfortable truths. The people you surround yourself with should encourage you to make better decisions and break bad habits.
The same should be true regarding the other person’s behavior. Caring about them doesn’t mean enabling poor and dangerous decisions. Tough love might be necessary at times, though it’s still important to share your observations kindly.
16. You respect each other's boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries in relationships is part of mature communication. Boundaries establish what each person is comfortable with.
For instance, you may only be able to hear about the same problem for so long before you develop compassion fatigue. Or maybe it’s essential that you have consistent time to yourself. Respecting each other’s boundaries signifies you value one another’s comfort.
17. You can spend time apart
Spending some time apart helps you maintain your individuality. Alone time or time with other friends is perfect for self-discovery and finding new hobbies.
Spending time apart may be difficult for people with insecure attachment styles, but learning how to be alone is important for a healthy relationship. You may even have exciting things to tell them when you see them again.
18. You accept one another
Without full acceptance, one person in a relationship might attempt to change the other. For example, if you’re spontaneous and love to travel and your partner is a homebody, it’s possible they could try to stifle your free spirit.
The same is true in the other direction. If you don’t like something about your partner, you may need to learn to adapt or move on rather than trying to change them. Remember that trying to change someone’s personality isn’t the same as helping them address self-destructive behaviors or toxic traits.
19. You take an interest in their life
Asking about someone’s day can have a huge impact on the relationship. When you care about someone, showing interest in their hobbies and things they like is thoughtful. Taking an interest in each other’s lives shows you value one another and the relationship.
20. You feel secure
How the relationship feels shouldn’t be ignored. Trust your gut and listen to your intuition. Healthy relationships should make you feel good and put your self-doubt at ease.
How to have a healthy relationship
Making friends and building relationships can feel challenging. Both people have to actively work on fostering the connection. Discussing the relationship and your expectations can help things go more smoothly.
To create a dynamic you and the other person are happy with, it’s important to communicate expectations. Periodic check-ins are also opportunities to show you appreciate the person and care about their feelings.
If one of you wants to deepen the relationship or set boundaries, a check-in is the perfect opportunity to do so. It’s also a good time to ask if any areas of the relationship need improvement. Clear communication about expectations allows you to work on improving the conditions of your relationship.
Signs your relationship need work
Red flags in your relationship indicate that some areas need improvement. Addressing these issues can help restore a solid, respectful foundation.
The following few red flags are signs of an unhealthy relationship or one that needs work:
- Constant arguing with no conflict resolution: Arguments happen in even the best relationships. Productive and healthy conflict can strengthen relationships, whereas circular arguments that go nowhere simply strain them.
- Disrespect: Name-calling and degrading comments are not markers of a healthy dynamic. Respect should still be present, even during disagreements.
- Controlling behavior: Violating boundaries and trying to control where you go and who you talk to isn’t healthy. In every type of relationship, you should be treated as an equal and given freedom.
- Dismissiveness: Being part of a mature relationship includes acknowledging the other person’s reality. Calling you crazy or dismissing your feelings shows they don’t value your opinions.
When is a relationship over?
The following elements may indicate a relationship that is salvageable:
- Consistent care and respect for one another
- Mutual effort to make things work
- Following through on promises
- A willingness to make changes
Other signs mean it may be time to let go, such as:
- Mental abuse, like withholding affection or making threats
- Negative impacts on your health and wellness
- Betrayal or resentment you cannot move past
- One of you has checked out and stopped making an effort
Additional signs your relationship is over include apathy, a lack of connection, feeling trapped, and no longer feeling emotionally safe. If you’re contemplating whether to walk away from a romantic relationship, couples therapy or relationship coaching with your significant other may help.
Foster signs of a healthy relationship with coaching
After learning the signs of a healthy relationship, you can implement good communication skills and improve your relationship dynamics. Interpersonal relationships involve acquired skills, just like any other aspect of life.
A personal coach can help you make changes to foster healthier connections, and BetterUp clients experience an 11% increase in social thriving on average. Commit to growth and build better relationships with the help of a BetterUp Coach.
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