Honesty, trust, and communication are essential in relationships. Whether professional, personal, or romantic, learning how to communicate better in a relationship through tactics like making “I” statements and practicing active listening can help you and your partner, friend, family member, or coworker grow together.
If you tend to give your partner the silent treatment during a conflict or become passive-aggressive when you disagree with a coworker, it’s time to reassess your communication skills. Taking out your frustrations on others rather than communicating your needs won’t help you resolve these types of issues.
Learning how to practice healthy communication in your daily life can help you form mutually fulfilling relationships. The first step is recognizing what good communication skills look like.
What does good communication look like in a relationship?
We predominantly think of communication in a spoken context. In any kind of interpersonal relationship, being straightforward and honest when talking about your needs and emotions is paramount to healthy communication. Having a self-awareness of and ability to manage your emotions can help you handle all types of communication.
Imagine a close friend makes an embarrassing joke at your expense. If the joke hurt your feelings, you can calmly express that and tell them it would mean a lot to you if they considered the emotional impact of their jokes going forward. Good communication can include recognizing that the other person didn’t intend to hurt you while also honoring your needs and feelings. Using healthy communication skills can help your friend better understand your perspective and prevent the same issue from happening again.
Nonverbal cues, such as body language, eye contact, and tone of voice, also contribute to effective communication. Nonverbal communication can help express that you’re listening and can communicate information about your emotions.
If you live with a romantic partner and find yourself in a conflict because you’ve been slacking on household chores, nonverbal cues can be an effective strategy for improving communication. Eye contact and non-defensive body language can prevent the disagreement from escalating. They can also signal to your partner that you hear them and are trying to understand their perspective. Staying present and open also creates a sense of emotional safety during the conversation.
Good communication benefits everyone, even in the workplace. A recent study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found that managers with a clear, direct communication style promoted more growth and professional development in their employees than those who used ambiguous directions. If you feel overwhelmed at work because you don’t know what to prioritize, you may perform better by asking for clearer deadlines from your boss.
Poor communication habits that are hurting your relationship
When considering how to communicate better in relationships, it isn’t just about adding effective communication strategies. It can also be useful to look at whether you can avoid communication issues by breaking poor habits.
Being unclear: Imagine you asked your partner to stop by the store for peppers on their way home. Since you weren’t clear about needing jalapeños, they arrive home with a trio of bell peppers.
Rather than getting upset or raising your voice, consider whether there may have been a miscommunication. Did you tell your partner exactly what you needed? If not, remembering to use clear statements in future conversations could be an easy way to prevent unnecessary communication problems.
Being passive-aggressive: Poor communication happens, but it’s easier to resolve when you talk openly about it. Passive-aggressive behaviors like giving someone the silent treatment or using a sarcastic tone when speaking only worsen the situation.
Say someone you live with forgets to wash their dishes. Rather than getting angry and huffing and puffing around the kitchen, try being direct in your communication. See if asking them to clear the sink as soon as they get a chance is a more effective communication method than being passive-aggressive about your feelings and emotions.
Bottling it up: Since you can’t expect others to read your mind, improving your communication skills can benefit everyone in your life. Bottling up your feelings and desires does both of you a disservice. Others can’t meet your wants and needs if they don’t know about them in the first place.
6 tactics to communicate better in relationships
If you and a partner or friend are struggling with effective communication in your relationship, using some concrete communication tools can help. Not only will incorporating these practices benefit your connection, but they’ll also help you take care of your mental health. Research shows that people with higher levels of competence in interpersonal communication report less feelings of anxiety, depression, and stress.
1. Learn to actively listen
Active listening is a major requirement for effective communication. You can express your feelings all day long, but if you aren’t also listening to what another person is saying, you’re not doing everything you should in the conversation. Poor listening can lead to relationship issues caused by misunderstandings and frustration. Communication is a two-way street, so be sure to listen as much or more than you talk to ensure the conversation is good for both of you.
2. Prioritize transparency and clarity
While you don’t need to divulge every emotion or thought in your head, practicing honest communication is still key to having healthy relationships in life. Being fully honest and open about how you feel and what you need across all stages of a relationship gives others a fair chance to meet those needs. This can help build a foundation of trust and respect in your connection.
3. Don't shy away from vulnerability
Although being vulnerable is scary at times, it’s not a weakness. In fact, showing vulnerability requires an incredible amount of strength. A green flag in a relationship is a sense of emotional safety and comfort when one or both partners are feeling vulnerable.
Being honest about your feelings, values, worries, or fears in a relationship builds trust, helps your partner better understand what support you need, and can improve closeness.
4. Build companionship and intimacy
Showing vulnerability can build intimacy in a relationship. Opening up emotionally and receiving the same energy from your partner can help to deepen your relationship. Sometimes, it can even help fix a relationship if you have been going through a difficult period of conflict or distrust.
5. Use "I" statements
When communicating in a highly emotional situation, starting statements or sentences with “I” can help you express yourself while helping keep the other person calm. These statements are important for being assertive versus aggressive and can make the other person less likely to become defensive.
For example, if your partner hurt your feelings with an unkind comment, you can say, “I feel hurt and upset,” rather than starting with, “You made me feel hurt and upset.” Using “I” statements can be a good way to set healthy boundaries by ensuring you communicate how you’ll respond in situations rather than blaming your partner.
6. Remember that impact is more important than intent
No matter what a setting or situation requires you to communicate with another person, it’s important to remember the difference between intent versus impact.
You may not have intended to insult your coworker by pointing out their typos in a recent email chain. But if your actions had that impact, you should hold yourself accountable.
In the same way, if your partner didn’t intend to start yelling in anger during your argument but ended up letting their emotions get the best of them, they must acknowledge the impact that may have had on you and your emotional well-being.
How to communicate through conflict in a relationship
Conflict is a normal part of any type of relationship, but it's how one chooses to navigate the conflict that matters. You likely understand the basics of how to carry a conversation in a day-to-day sense, but communicating during a conflict is an entirely different thing. Dealing with hurt feelings, communication problems, or an unwillingness to compromise requires emotional intelligence and strong communication skills.
Say you’re having a disagreement with a relative during a holiday gathering. It can be tempting to start raising your voice. You may want to use aggressive hand gestures or say something defensive because you’re upset.
Your tone of voice and body language may not seem as important as getting your point across, but they can affect how another person receives your communication. Rather than letting the situation escalate, try practicing empathy and validating the other person’s feelings. This can prevent a conflict from getting worse, facilitate necessary repair, and promote a sense of mutual understanding and respect.
Learning how to communicate better in a relationship benefits everyone
Better communication skills can benefit your relationships and improve your mental health and well-being. Whether in the office, with a partner, or between you and your family or friend group, building rapport in a healthy and positive way starts with effective communication. Open, welcoming body language, active listening, and staying calm in conflict can help you build stronger, happier relationships with anyone in your life.
Learning how to communicate better in a relationship doesn’t have to be complicated, and it can be even easier when you seek advice from a professional. Reach out to a BetterUp Coach to kick-start becoming an excellent communicator and improving the health of every connection in your life.
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