Being sensitive isn’t inherently bad. Your sensitive side helps you consider other people and be respectful and thoughtful about how to interact with them. On the flip side, sensitivity may cause you to react intensely when you feel criticized or rejected, which might not be ideal in social settings. Learning how to be less sensitive involves controlling your emotions in challenging situations so you can learn to respond with thoughtfulness.
Are you too sensitive?
You may be considered too sensitive if you react strongly or inappropriately to sensory or emotional triggers. Those with sensory processing sensitivity (SPS) feel strong emotions when faced with certain environmental stimuli. A 2021 study estimated that 20% to 30% of the population is highly sensitive.
In 1997, psychologist Elaine Aron developed the 27-item Highly Sensitive Person Scale (HSPS) to measure sensory-processing sensitivity. You can use the highly sensitive person questionnaire to find out if you’re highly sensitive. If more than 14 questions are true for yourself, you may be highly sensitive.
While psychological tests can provide some insight into what you may be experiencing, they are not a substitute for professional advice. Speak with a doctor or therapist for an accurate assessment and appropriate guidance.
One study shows that those with emotional sensitivity have brains wired to react more strongly to small things, like a change in someone’s tone of voice or a small criticism. Highly sensitive people have feelings that come on fast and strong, a trait that’s referred to as heightened emotional reactivity.
Here are some signs to look for when assessing your own levels of sensitivity.
- You have a strong empathy for others and feel their pain as your own.
- Sensory signals overwhelm you, so you avoid loud, crowded, or bright spaces.
- You spend a lot of time overthinking about how conversations could have gone differently.
- Even constructive criticism feels deeply personal.
- Decisions are a struggle to make because you fear you’ll make the wrong choice.
- You quickly pick up on other people’s mood changes.
- Alone time and quiet spaces help you recharge.
- You get stuck replaying events or imagining various outcomes before they happen.
- Movies, music, and books evoke strong emotional responses.
- You have a rich, imaginative inner life and spend a lot of time daydreaming.
- Daily routines and predictability help you stay calm.
- You’re uncomfortable with conflict and avoid it whenever possible.
- Physical discomforts like itchy clothes, unpleasant smells, or temperature changes make you agitated.
Overall, people who feel limited by their sensitivity have intense reactions to changes in their environment and the feelings of those around them. This may cause them to frequently isolate themselves mentally or physically.
Why being overly sensitive isn't always a bad thing
Sensitivity helps you feel all emotions intensely, including the good ones. That means feelings like joy and excitement are enhanced, too.
Hypersensitivity has benefits when managed. Sensitive individuals might view their emotions as a way to help them achieve positive outcomes like resilience, well-being, and personal growth. Sensitivity is associated with enhanced emotional processing and can contribute to positive feelings and higher emotional awareness.
Problematic vs. unproblematic oversensitivity
Oversensitivity becomes problematic when you’re easily overwhelmed by your emotions. You may feel so distressed that you have a hard time functioning or managing relationships. For those who have borderline personality disorder (BPD), emotional sensitivity may be considered a burden. It’s like having a volume knob for your emotions that’s turned up much higher than everyone else’s, which can cause you to feel isolated and confused.
Unproblematic sensitivity can help you connect with others and appreciate the subtle details of an interaction without negatively affecting your well-being.
The key difference lies in the impact on your life. Unproblematic sensitivity could be manageable and enriching, whereas problematic sensitivity could lead to anxiety, avoidance, or emotional distress.
11 ways to be less sensitive
While being more sensitive than others can be a good thing, sometimes you may want to feel less sensitive. Here are some tactics for how to be less emotionally sensitive that can help you manage your sensitivity and improve your social skills.
1. Practice mindfulness
Intentionally try to focus on the present moment without judging your own actions, especially when facing criticism. Try meditating or mindful breathing exercises to guide you in this practice.
With mindfulness skills, you can slow down and create space between experiencing an emotion and immediately reacting to it. One study showed mindfulness can increase subjective well-being, reduce emotional reactivity, and improve behavioral regulation.
For example, an office worker who feels overwhelmed by the constant noise in an open-plan office could practice mindfulness through the use of breathwork techniques. Learning to focus on breathing helps create a mental space between experiencing frustration and reacting impulsively to the noise.
2. Journal every day
Journaling allows you to process thoughts and emotions in a safe space. Writing them down helps identify emotional patterns and which events make controlling your reactions difficult. It’s also a great way to reflect on your progress over time. Furthermore, journaling is shown to reduce stress, improve well-being, and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. It’s important to remember that journaling itself should not become a burden and that what matters is showing up rather than being eloquent every day.
For instance, a student who feels anxious about schoolwork might benefit from documenting their emotions after class. This can help them identify the types of professors and assignments that cause them anxiety and find ways to cope.
3. Exercise self-acceptance
Self-acceptance means embracing who you are, including your sensitive nature, without self-criticism. Be kind to yourself when you react strongly, and understand that sensitivity is only a single part of you. Self-compassion can reduce the shame and guilt that come from impulsive reactions, and it’s clinically proven to correlate with fewer mental health problems.
An artist who frequently feels bad whenever someone critiques a painting might practice self-acceptance by treating themselves with kindness instead of harsh self-criticism. They may choose to recognize their sensitivity as an asset that enhances creativity, which can boost their self-esteem and confidence and help them learn how to be less sensitive to criticism.
4. Learn to manage stress
Feeling your emotions intensely can cause you to feel stressed. Stress management techniques, like deep breathing, exercise, and time management, can reduce its impact. Lowering your stress levels can make sensitivity more manageable, allowing you to better regulate your emotions without the impact of added stress.
For instance, a stressed-out dad who works full-time might start yoga as a hobby to do after work when he has some free time. Since yoga is effective at reducing stress and anxiety, it can help him remain more present and patient with his children when unexpected situations arise.
5. Set healthy boundaries
Learning how to say no can protect you from overwhelming situations or people. Setting boundaries can also prevent overstimulation and help you manage your sensitivity. This may help mitigate the effects of low resilience, which can be caused by sensitivity or dysfunctional emotional regulation.
A nurse who feels emotionally drained by long shifts might set boundaries by scheduling regular breaks and limiting extra shifts. This self-care practice preserves energy, preventing burnout and providing the reserves necessary for better patient care.
6. Challenge negative thoughts
Sensitive people tend to scold themselves or fall into automatic negative thought patterns. Cognitive behavioral techniques, like cognitive reframing or thought records, help to reframe negative thoughts so you can stay positive.
For example, an intern might feel inadequate when misunderstanding the nuances of business. Cognitive reframing techniques could help challenge thoughts like “I’m not good enough” by considering past successes. Eventually, the intern may learn to view negative feedback as an opportunity for growth by learning to be receptive to feedback.
7. Engage in physical activity
Regular exercise helps regulate your mood by releasing endorphins and reducing cortisol levels. Activities like yoga, running, or brisk walking can stimulate intense emotions by elevating your mood.
Say you’re a software developer who spends long days in front of the computer. You could try jogging during lunch breaks to release tension, improve your mood, and feel more balanced.
8. Seek support
Talking with friends, family members, a coach, or a therapist about your feelings may help you feel validated and reduce the intensity of your emotions. Community support acts as a buffer against emotional overload.
A new manager who struggles with emotional regulation might join a professional support group that can help them with people management. If they find a community that provides practical, supportive advice, they may be able to take on the challenges of their role with greater confidence.
9. Desensitize gradually
One of the key ingredients for resilience is better regulation of your emotions. Desensitization, the process of reducing sensitivity or emotional response to a stimulus through repeated exposure, can help you build resilience by allowing you to gradually expose yourself to situations that overwhelm you.
For instance, if crowds overwhelm you, start spending short periods in less crowded areas and gradually increase the exposure. Or if you have a friend who feels anxious in social situations, you could encourage them to try smaller gatherings before tackling larger events.
Over time, this step-by-step approach promotes resilience, reducing anxiety and making social interactions less intimidating.
10. Find a creative outlet
Expressing emotions through art, music, or other creative activities can be therapeutic. These activities provide a constructive way to channel intense emotions.
For example, you could end a stressful work day by writing fiction. This creative outlet may help you learn how to express your feelings constructively by playing them out with fictional characters.
11. Get adequate sleep
It’s hard to control your emotions when you’re tired. Not getting enough sleep might make you feel more sensitive, whereas having plenty of restful sleep can stabilize your mood and make you less prone to emotional instability.
Avoiding late-night screen time and creating a calming environment can help you when you can’t sleep. In general, these activities help to improve your sleep quality and regulate your mood.
What causes someone to be "too sensitive"
Being “too sensitive” usually happens because of a combination of biological, psychological, and environmental factors that impact your mental health. Here’s what the research tells us:
- Sensitivity can be partly genetic. Some individuals naturally have a more reactive nervous system and differences in brain activity. This is particularly true regarding areas involved in empathy, awareness, and processing sensory information. The gene variant related to transporting serotonin has also been linked to heightened emotional sensitivity.
- Early life stress, like growing up in an abusive or neglectful household, has been linked to alterations in the brain, such as the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. Each plays a crucial role in developing emotional regulation skills and responding to threats, making individuals more sensitive to emotions later in life.
- People with neuroticism, rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), anxiety, depression, or other mood disorders often experience heightened emotional responses. This is often due to underlying neurobiological and psychological systems that elevate baseline stress and intensify reactions.
- Empathy is associated with the mirror neuron system in the brain, which plays a big role in responding to others’ emotions. When this system is more active, it can cause sensitive individuals to absorb and feel others’ stress or negativity.
- Chronic stress and burnout can also amplify sensitivity. They often lead to continuous stress, which heightens the body’s fight-or-flight response. This can make individuals more sensitive to negative social cues and negatively impact emotional health.
No matter the underlying cause of your sensitivity, you can manage your emotions with intentional practice.
Find a strong support system
Learning how to be less sensitive involves finding tactics to help you manage your sensitivity. A professional can help create tailored coping strategies to do this. The supportive environment they create can help you explore emotional triggers, understand their root causes, and build resilience.
Work through your sensitivity with a BetterUp Coach and find strategies to help you manage your emotions and relationships.
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