If you’ve ever caught your partner doing something you find odd or different, you’ve likely come across a beige flag. Beige flags refer to the little idiosyncrasies that make each person unique. These often surface toward the beginning of a relationship when you’re still getting to know someone and learning their quirky rituals or traits.
While generally considered harmless, beige flags could indicate potential areas of misalignment over time. It’s important to recognize your partner’s beige flags to determine whether they’re charming or concerning.
What is a beige flag?
A beige flag is a quirky or eccentric trait exhibited by a romantic partner that isn’t necessarily good or bad. It’s not a warning sign, but it’s not a dating “plus” either. It’s neutral, just like the color beige.
The term became a popular TikTok trend in 2023 to describe actions that border on weird but don’t quite cross over into “creepy” territory.
Beige flags are often subtle behaviors that make you stop and say, “Huh, that’s different.” You may find them slightly annoying or simply endearing. The term is most often used in the dating world but can also apply to good friends and family members.
Beige flags vs. red flags vs. green flags
Beige flags are a new shade of flag that joined the more well-known “red flags” and “green flags” in the dating realm. The concept of flags indicates how you feel about someone’s personality traits or actions. Each flag color represents a different feeling:
- Red flags: Red flags in a relationship are warning signs of future incompatibility with a potential partner. They may deter you from wanting to pursue a relationship with someone, or they could indicate that a current relationship is unhealthy. Red flags can be a characteristic, state, trait, or behavior. Examples of red flags include controlling behavior or having a history of infidelity.
- Green flags: Green flags in a relationship are words, actions, or character traits that indicate a healthy relationship or future compatibility. They show opportunities for deeper connection and can help strengthen a budding relationship. Examples of green flags include your partner, boyfriend, or girlfriend respecting your boundaries in the relationship and sharing similar values.
- Beige flags: Beige flags represent neutral feelings that don’t necessarily lean in a positive or negative direction. These typically don’t impact compatibility and aren’t nearly as important as red and green flags when evaluating a potential partner. Oftentimes, partners find these to be funny quirks that just make someone who they are.
Red flags are often considered deal-breakers. They may point out toxic traits or suggest someone is an emotional vampire who uses manipulation and gaslighting to win you over.
Meanwhile, green flags can be dealmakers that draw you closer to your partner emotionally. These are signs of a healthy relationship and are often noticed in the early stages of a relationship.
23 beige flag examples
Everyone has individual quirks, so there aren’t any standard or common examples of beige flags. A few beige flag idiosyncrasies that some TikTok user accounts and other sources have shared include the following:
- Setting morning alarms for random times like 6:58 am, 7:02 am, and 7:19 am.
- Only drinking half cans of soda and leaving the half-drunk cans around the house
- Having a ritual of brushing their teeth every time they leave the house, even if it’s only to run to the grocery store
- Only taking baths as an adult
- Not being able to tell left from right without making an L shape with their hands
- Naming every inanimate object, such as their car, desk chair, and kitchen utensils
- Only typing text messages using caps lock so every letter is capitalized
- Dunking french fries in their coffee
- Having an extreme obsession with fuzzy socks and still wearing them in the summer
- Sharing all of their good news in a handwritten letter
- Replying to everyone’s thoughts in comment sections on social media
- Feeling strongly about certain clichés, such as putting pineapple on pizza
- Referring to themselves only by their last name during an introduction
- Making up their own words to describe common objects (such as calling a grill “the grillster”)
- Reusing the same tissue they’ve been using for two days
- Never shutting the kitchen cabinet doors
- Safety pinning all their socks together in their drawer so they never lose a match
- Eating everything with a fork and knife, even chicken nuggets
- Refusing to sit anywhere besides “their seat” at home
- Using a straw to drink wine
- Setting a timer instead of an alarm clock to wake them up
- Waving and honking at strangers while driving as if they know them
- Congratulating the flight attendants when a flight lands
Some of these beige flag examples are simply silly quirks, but the level of concern needed can vary depending on the situation.
Beige flags: quirks or relationship dealbreakers?
While beige flags aren’t inherently good or bad, everyone interprets them differently. For example, if your partner makes weird slapping noises while eating cereal, it could be seen as funny and normal or annoying and disgusting. The real question is whether the beige flag is something you can live with in the long term.
Your viewpoint on each beige flag may also change over time. For instance, you might think it’s funny that your partner walks around in a robe while they work from home when you’re living apart. However, when you move in together, you might find it off-putting or worry about your neighbors seeing it.
When identifying a beige flag, consider how you might feel about it a year from now or in different social settings. Ask yourself whether it has any implications for your life or your relationship to determine whether it’s something worth bringing up. Because this is a TikTok trend, it’s important to remember that taking relationship advice from social media can cause more harm than good, as it can skew how you view your relationship.
How to determine when a beige flag might be cause for concern
Occasionally, you might come across a beige flag that could be problematic for your relationship. Since the behaviors aren’t necessarily negative in nature, it can be difficult to point out whether something is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
If you’re struggling with how to handle a beige flag, use these tips to help you navigate it.
Trust your gut
Along with critical thinking skills, trusting your gut can be a valuable tool for determining when something is off in a relationship. Research shows that pairing your intuition with critical thinking can help you make faster, more accurate, and more confident decisions.
If you feel like something is wrong, it’s worth paying attention to. However, that doesn’t mean the beige flag is what’s causing the feeling. Maybe you’ve always had hesitations about the relationship or your partner recently said something that made you question your compatibility.
Spend some time practicing self-reflection and self-awareness to understand your emotions and where they might be stemming from. For example, if you’ve been on the fence about pursuing the relationship in general, it could be a sign that it just isn’t meant to be, and it may be time to let go.
Consider the impacts
Ask yourself whether the beige flag behavior crosses any lines you’ve set for the relationship or for yourself. It’s important to know yourself along with your boundaries and limits to cultivate healthy relationships.
If a behavior or trait is impacting your health and well-being, then it might be time to address it with your partner.
Weigh it against the rest of the relationship
While certain beige flags may be hard to see past, it’s important to consider them in the right context. Think about how much the relationship means to you and all of the positive personality traits you’ve seen beyond the person’s beige flags. Consider what your life would look like if you ended the relationship.
If this is someone you care about deeply, it might be worth looking past the beige flag as long as it isn’t harming you somehow. There will always be less-than-ideal traits that exist in a romantic partner or friendship. The question is whether the rest of the relationship makes it worth it.
Make sure you’re considering your true feelings and not fighting for the relationship because of sunk cost fallacy. This refers to the belief that you’re too far into the relationship or you’ve invested too much to walk away. If the relationship is important to you, discuss your feelings with your partner.
Get a second opinion
If you’re struggling to evaluate the beige flag, seek a second perspective. Try asking a family member or a mutual friend what they think of the behavior and whether it’s concerning.
It can also be helpful to talk with a third party, such as a relationship coach. A coach can give you completely objective feedback as someone who doesn’t know your partner. This can help ensure you weigh all the facts without being emotionally invested.
Foster open dialogue
If you decide that you’re not OK with their beige flag, try talking it out with your partner through open communication. Explain what you’ve noticed about their behavior, how it makes you feel, and why it bothers you. They can’t change their behavior if they aren’t aware there’s a problem.
A good partner will be open to your feedback and want to help find a way forward. Problematic beige flags don’t always need to be solved by permanently ending a relationship, especially if the good outweighs the bad.
Overcome beige flags to form healthier relationships
Beige flags are often seen as neutral quirks. However, they sometimes become a problem in a relationship. For this reason, it’s critical to be able to identify them not just in your partner but also in yourself to form healthy relationships.
Everyone has unique traits, but it’s always important to consider the context and the person’s intent when deciding how you feel about certain behaviors.
Working through beige flags with a professional relationship coach can help lead you to more satisfying relationships. Schedule a session with a BetterUp Coach to improve your self-awareness and find more meaningful connections.
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